By Silvia Moreno-Garcia
If you have ever doubted the extreme superiority of Cthulhu over human minds, may we present Paul, the psychic octopus? Paul is an octopus residing in German who correctly predicted the outcome of the 2010 FIFA World Cup soccer matches, prompting PETA to call for its release. As we all know, octopi are distant relatives of Cthulhu, who spend their time worshiping him, or in this case, foretell matches at an aquarium.
Octopi are extremely intelligent animals, due to their connection to the Great Old Ones. Don’t believe me? Researchers have found octopi that use coconuts as tools. Footage of the creatures swimming away with their coconut shells proves a) their intelligence and b) that they are storing the coconuts so they can bludgeon us during the great R’lyeh uprising that is bound to take place in the near future, another kind of fun prediction.
Talking about the future, some Argentinians are demanding that Paul be cooked and served for dinner because the little Cassandra-like animal predicted Germany’s victory against the Argentinian team. I’ve got some advice for Argentina: stay away from Paul. When Cthulhu rises from the depths, ready to wipe out humanity and uncoil his mighty tentacles, you don’t want to be the guy who snacked on his second cousin.